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I guess the time has come for this one:

 The seven dwarfs were in a Catholic church. They were sitting near the rear and as the priest was speaking, they whispered and giggled amongst themselves, causing quite a disturbance. All of a sudden, Dopey stands up and says, "Priest, are there any midget nuns in the church ?" "No," said the priest, "There are no midget nuns in the church." A little time passed and the dwarfs were again whispering and giggling amongst themselves causing quite a disturbance and noticeably angering the priest.

Soon, Dopey stands up again and asks, "Priest, are there any midget nuns in the city?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the city or in the church." says the priest. Again the dwarfs resume their annoying giggling to the dismay of the priest.

Once again, Dopey stands up and asks "Priest, are there any midget nuns in the state?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the state, in the city, and no midget nuns in the church." exclaimed the priest, obviously upset. The dwarfs continue their interference.

Dopey stands up and asks, "Priest, are there any midget nuns in the country?"

The priest, totally angered, exclaims "No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the church, in the city, in the state, no midget nuns in the country, there are no midget nuns in the whole world!!! Now sit down!!!!!"

Soon afterwards, a chant can be heard from the rear of the church, "Dopey f-ked a penguin. Dopey f-ked a penguin. Dopey f-ked a penguin."  

 

 

 

dopey11.jpg

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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD-40.

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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.99/minute.

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The following is a transcript from the first woman in space.

"Houston, I have a problem"

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing..."

"Really? Is there anything we can do?"

"No. I'm fine, really."

"Please, tell us. We can fix it."

"Sometimes it's not about fixing it, it's just about listening and understanding."

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The following is a transcript from the first woman in space.

"Houston, I have a problem"

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing..."

"Really? Is there anything we can do?"

"No. I'm fine, really."

"Please, tell us. We can fix it."

"Sometimes it's not about fixing it, it's just about listening and understanding."

The jinger never fails to show his stupidity - even in a joke thread.

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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.


While waiting, they start to wonder: Could they get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they immediately ask him.



St. Peter replies, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.” He leaves.


The couple sat and waited for St. Peter to return, but he never did. 9 weeks later, and the couple were still waiting. They started to wonder, if things didn’t work out, could they get a divorce in heaven? Another month later, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.


“Yes,” he informs the couple. “You can get married in Heaven.”


“Awesome!” the couple responds enthusiastically. “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”


St. Peter’s face suddenly turned red with anger. He slammed his clipboard to the ground. Frightened, the couple asked “What’s wrong?”


“OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted. “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”


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This is true.

 

How do you write "Chinchilla" in Russian, cursive.

nBV-vrESzbA.jpg

BTW, unlike in the US, the cursive is still the absolute standard in Russian handwriting.

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So a large company, in an attempt to show diversity, hires a few cannibals. The manager brings them into his office in the first day of work and tells them to refrain from eating anyone, and they agree.

6 months go by without incident and then one day the secretary doesn't come in for work. An investigation is launched but she is never found. The manager calls the lead cannibal into his office, but the cannibal assures him that the cannibals are not to blame.

At lunch the cannibals are eating and the lead cannibal asks "ok, which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A man in the back timidly raises his hand.

"You moron. We had a good thing going here. We've been eating managers for 6 months and nobody noticed, but now you had to go and eat someone who matters."

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Blind guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a few. He start feeling pretty good and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a blond joke.

 

The bartender says, 'Well before you tell that joke you should know that the guy to your left is blond, a powerlifter and has a bad temper. The guy behind you at the table is blond, a biker and carries a gun. The gal to your right is blond and a black belt in Karate. Also, I'm blond and have a baseball bat behind the bar. So, you still wanna tell that joke?"

 

The blind man replies, "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it 4 times."

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A soft-hearted man learns there are two Dobermans at the local shelter in jeopardy of being put down if they can’t soon find a home. He sleeps on it - wakes up smiling next morning, eager to bring both dogs into his home.

 

He adopts them both, brings them home and immediately names the new male Doberman ‘Karma’ and the female dog ‘Payback’.

 

So now when friends visit, he introduces his dogs and always says “Karma is good most of the time but Payback is always a bitch..”

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