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Yo Mama so fat...She stepped on an airplane and it turned into a submarine.

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Yo Mama so fat...When she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.

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Three brothers inherit a large castle from their recently deceased father on the condition they stay in the castle for one night.

That night, the brothers awake to progressively louder thumps followed by the sound of bones breaking. They run to the source of the sound to find the youngest of the three has been squished against a wall.

The two other brothers after some deliberation decide to barricade themselves in their rooms. Some hours later, they again hear the progressively louder thumps again followed by the sound of bones breaking.

The remaining brother of the three decides to remain barricaded in his room fearing the worst. A few hours later, he starts to hear the thumping noise...

Instead of awaiting his fate, he runs out of the room and decides not to stop. He runs throughout the castle, constantly being chased by this thumping noise. Eventually he makes a wrong turn and finds himself at a dead end. The thumping continues to get louder...

The sun comes up as the thumping becomes unbearable. The last of the three brothers looks up to see who has killed the other two only to be confronted by his father's coffin.

The last brother reached into his pocket to retrieve some Halls cough drops, and that stopped the coffin.

TRO

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Dedicated to the name-calling in the Pit:

A drunkard is lying in a puddle on an evening. A lady passes by, and he mumbles, "Aah, what an uggliee un". The lady, shocked, responds, "And you're drunk, dirty and stinky!". "But I'll be sober, clean and good-smelling in the morning".

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I hate explaining puns to kleptomaniacs because they take everything way too literally.

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Three brothers inherit a large castle from their recently deceased father on the condition they stay in the castle for one night.

That night, the brothers awake to progressively louder thumps followed by the sound of bones breaking. They run to the source of the sound to find the youngest of the three has been squished against a wall.

The two other brothers after some deliberation decide to barricade themselves in their rooms. Some hours later, they again hear the progressively louder thumps again followed by the sound of bones breaking.

The remaining brother of the three decides to remain barricaded in his room fearing the worst. A few hours later, he starts to hear the thumping noise...

Instead of awaiting his fate, he runs out of the room and decides not to stop. He runs throughout the castle, constantly being chased by this thumping noise. Eventually he makes a wrong turn and finds himself at a dead end. The thumping continues to get louder...

The sun comes up as the thumping becomes unbearable. The last of the three brothers looks up to see who has killed the other two only to be confronted by his father's coffin.

The last brother reached into his pocket to retrieve some Halls cough drops, and that stopped the coffin.

TRO

This joke goes out to you randompro42. I know you like math.

An infinite number of math professors walk into a bar. The first sits down and says "I'd like a beer, my friend next to me will have half a beer, my friend after him will have a quarter of a beer."

The bartender stops the professor abruptly and shakes his head.

"You guys are jerks." He says and pours two beers.

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A British officer spotted a beggar at the bottom of the escalator of the London Underground. The beggar had a sign which read: "VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR." The officer thought, "Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!" Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, the officer took 20 pounds out of his wallet and gave it to the beggar. The officer was then greeted with a hearty: "Gracias, Senor!!"

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A man goes into a bar with his dog and sits down to have a beer and watch the Detroit Lions game. The Lions have a decent drive going and eventually ole reliable Jason Hanson boots in a field goal. Once the refs raise their hands, the man's dog jumps up onto the bar and starts doing a little dance.

Everyone at the bar is astonished to see such a thing going on while the dog's owner acts as though nothing has happened.

One patron decides to ask him, "Hey what's up with your dog?"

"I don't know. Ever since I got him every time the Lions get a field goal he starts to dance."

"Does he dance when they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know, I only had him ten years."

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This joke goes out to you randompro42. I know you like math.

An infinite number of math professors walk into a bar. The first sits down and says "I'd like a beer, my friend next to me will have half a beer, my friend after him will have a quarter of a beer."

The bartender stops the professor abruptly and shakes his head.

"You guys are jerks." He says and pours two beers.

so, i suppose that the joke is the bartender is a math major

(i did get a good chuckle from this)

TRO

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Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.

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Thank god there aren't many picture of the mullet I had in the 80's.

I do believe, however, that there are some pictures of 7 year old Sam in butterfly collars and bell bottoms.

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My uncle's wedding photo's are basically the greatest thing ever. 1978 was not a good year for fashion.

Proof positive that drugs damage more than just the people who take them...

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