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Dedicated to the Pit:

A great-grandson of a Decembrist meets a young revolutionary Bolshevik in late 1917.

"Where are you running, lad?"

"We're making a revolution, old man!"

"Wow, my great-grandfather also wanted to make a revolution. And what do you want to do?"

"We want that there won't be any riches!"

"Wow, my great-grandfather wanted that there wouldn't be any poor..."

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An Englishman, an American, and a Newfie are all up on a high rise building working construction when they stop for lunch.

The Englishman opens up his lunch and says, "Aw, turkey again. If I get one more turkey sandwich I'll jump off this building."

The American opens up his lunch and says, "Aw, ham again. If I get one more ham sandwich I'll jump off this building."

The Newfie opens up his lunch and says, "Aw, tuna again. If I get one more tuna sandwich I'll jump off this building."

Next day when they all sit down for lunch again, they each tentatively open their lunch boxes.

The Englishman sees a turkey sandwich and jumps to his death.

The American opens his and finds a ham sandwich so he too leaps off the building.

The Newfie follows suit, seeing a tuna sandwich in his lunch and jumps off.

At their funerals, their wives cry next to each other.

The Englishman's wife says "If only he had just told me he didn't want turkey, I wouldn't have made him another one."

The American's wife says "If only he had just told he didn't want ham, I wouldn't have made him another one."

The Newfie's wife says "If only he didn't make his own lunch."

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Two lawyers are walking down the street. They walk past a gorgeous blonde walking the other way. One of the attorneys looks back at her and says "Man I would really like to screw her." The other attorney turns around and says "Out of what?"

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An old business man finally retires and moves down to Florida. He is walking down the beach and he sees Morty an old friend from New York. He asks him how he's been. "Well, I worked hard for 40 years. Then business started to go down and we had a fire at the warehouse. Rather than rebuild I decided to take the insurance money and retire. How about you?" The man responds "Well I too worked hard for many years and then last year we had a flood that destroyed my business and I decided to take the insurance money and retire."

They walk down the beach a few feet when Morty asks him "So how did you cause a flood?".

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Cjelli's mother in law turns 60. Like a good son in law cjelli buys her two presents: a pair of diamond earrings and a shotgun.

When receiving the gifts, cjelli's mother in law says:

" Wondeful earrings but what is this shotgun for"

to which cjelli replies

" Well don't you need to make some holes for those earrings???

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du-te-n pula

Where's Pimp, asks one Pimp's friend another? Well, if the ice is as thick as he thinks, Pimp's skating, but if it is as thick as I think, Pimp's swimming

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The Women World Congress has gathered.

The agenda:

1. All men are jerks.

2. There's nothing to wear.

3. Miscellaneous.

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My old man's favorite:

Two women were sentenced to five years in prison at the same time, and were put into the same cell.

After they were released, they talked for three more hours at the prison gates.

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Another russian classic joke:

There's a new show, duet, at the circus: a crocodile is playing a grand piano, and a hippo is singing torch songs along. Huge success. Sellout after sellout. The manager of the circus is in shock, awe and disbelief. He comes to the animal trainer and says:

- There must be a trick. I can't believe a crocodile would play a grand piano with a hippo singing torch songs along!

The trainer replies:

- Of course there is a trick. In reality, the crocodile is both playing and singing, and the hippo is only lip syncing.

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A popular topic of Russian jokes are Transcaucasian nations, especially Georgians. The Georgians are portrayed as undereducated, rich, corrupt mountain-living machos, quick to draw knives, and fans of speeding. Here's an example:

A Georgian is asked:

- Can a Zaporozhetz (a notorious Russian car, something of equivalent to a Pacer, or maybe even a Yugo) drive at 100mph?

- Yes, it can

- And what about 150mph?

- Yes, it can

- And what about 200mph?

- There isn't a mountain high enough in Georgia for that.

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Another topical ethnic in Russia are the Estonians, portrayed as thorough and disciplined, but very very slow.

Q: What's so special about roundabout signs in Estonia?

A: They have an attached label saying: No more than three times.

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Another topical ethnic in Russia are the Estonians, portrayed as thorough and disciplined, but very very slow.

Q: What's so special about roundabout signs in Estonia?

A: They have an attached label saying: No more than three times.

I actually find your Russian tidbits very interesting. Not dissimilar to the Chinese woman who used to work next to me, She was in Tienanmen Square that day and managed to get out on a student visa. I could sit and listen to her talk about Communist China for hours.

Like when she first got to Canada, she was a little shocked to find out that we in the Western world don't all live in cardboard boxes and slums. Apparently the only photos that Chinese media were allowed to show of America and her allies were those that showed homeless people and ghettos. I guess many Chinese thought that was really how we lived.

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The joke in Soviet culture has a much more special meaning than in the Western one. Most of them weren't told on shows, TV or radio, but they were huge in folklore. It is interesting that some foreign characters, such as Sherlock Holmes, Winnie the Pooh or Karlson That Lives On The Roof have more jokes associated with them than in their original cultures. Hell, even cowboys. Here's an example:

Two cowboys argue:

- Wanna bet a hundred bucks I'll eat that pile of horsеshit?

- Sure!

The cowboy eats the pile. The other gives him the hundred and feels pissed, so he strikes back:

- Now you wanna bet a hundred bucks I'll eat that pile of horsеshit?

- Sure!

The other cowboy eats the pile. The first one gives him the hundred. Then he thinks a bit and says:

- Hey, don't you think we just ate a lot of shiт for nothing?

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Once, when I was 13, I was at a summer camp, and we had a field trip with an overnight camping. Me and a few other guys made a bet with the "scouters" that accompanied us that we can stay up all night around the bonfire by telling jokes and never repeating ourselves. We won the bet.

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Once, when I was 13, I was at a summer camp, and we had a field trip with an overnight camping. Me and a few other guys made a bet with the "scouters" that accompanied us that we can stay up all night around the bonfire by telling jokes and never repeating ourselves. We won the bet.

you won the bet cause you bored everyone to death.

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Two dumb Finlander friends are catching up in Northern Michigan:

“Hey ya Hekki, how yas doin?”

“Not real good Eino, I got TWO black eye on Sunday..”

“Two! All on Sunday? How you do it?”

“ Aww shuck Eino, I got both dem in Church!”

“In Church! Hekki? Oh! How you get TWO black eye in Church?”

“Well Eino, ders pretty girl in beautiful dress sitting right in front of me at church. She was lovely and was standing up to sing! It was very hot day and funny thing her dress stuck to her butt crack bad when she stood up!”

“But how you get back eye, Hekki?”

“So I reach over to help her by pulling the pretty dress out of her crack… but husband turns around and sock me in left eye!”

“Hekki, that terrible! But how you get second black eye?”

“Well Eino, I try to help again by tucking dress back into crack, but husband then sock me in right eye!”

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